being parasocial is a problem
How social media is making people delusional with reality and relationships, especially in “celebrity” culture.
We all have an artist that we don’t know but adore so much because of their art or talent, or maybe their online persona. The person in question doesn’t even have to be a celebrity. We’d will call ourselves a “fan” (or stan, depending on how much you really like their work) or be apart of a fandom. Even I’m guilty of this as a fan of music and film. As a fan, you wanna root for your favorite artist and want them to climb the ladders to succeed.
However, in the coming years, we’ve seen fandoms grow and artists get bigger from the recognition for their work. Whether it’s going to the red carpet or performing at a big, sold out stadium. It is common for them to encounter a fan that knows more about artist in question than the artist themselves. The person (celebrity or not) may or may not have ever met this fan, let alone seen them before, but they are grateful for the support. They sign whatever needs to be signed and go about their day.
This is normal, right?
How about when this fan goes to multiple shows (and let’s say on average, this person has about 20+ shows a year)? This fan keeps popping up at meet and greets, at the hotel they think this person is staying out, outside the arena, it’s almost as if this fan is everywhere in public trying to find this person. The person (or celebrity) in question, obviously has to appreciate the support and eventually, they’ll start to recognize the fan. The fan feels special, like they really mean something to this person. They compete with other fans to see who can spend the most money on them or go to the most shows, some even aiming to be in the first row everytime. Over time, this behavior escalates to them being on all of this person’s social medias, getting into fights with other fans, and constantly trying to tell the person what to do with their life.
Naturally, you would think this fan has better things to do with themselves, right?
What is a parasocial relationship?
A parasocial relationship is defined as a one sided connection between a media figure or celebrity. Key word: one sided.
It doesn’t just consist of celebrities, it’s influencers, fictional characters, and sometimes normal people as well. Anyone (or anything, even cartoons) can have a fanbase. Saying anything negative about them, whether it’s true or not, usually results in their fans attacking you for not loving these figures the same way that they do. It’s almost childish, but we’ll get into that momentarily.
When you love an artist, naturally you want to find out any information about them so they seem more real. You dig deep into their work, their pictures, find out who they’ve worked with or just even their government name. This brings a feeling of closeness, wanting to root for them. You want them to succeed, to thrive, for everyone to see their work.
But that’s just the thing, it is work. We live in a society where we have to work to make money and money matters. Blame capitalism, not me, I’m just stating the facts.
Believe it or not, music or any line of work that is considered “art”, isn’t guaranteed to make a lot of money. Every artist knows this and understands that there will be a bit of struggle getting their work out. Fame does not happen for every artist, which in itself can be both a blessing and a curse. It’s a one in a million thing. On one hand, fame can help you get recognition and more support, which can sometimes mean (with capitalism in consideration), more money. But on the other hand, that support may not be the support you really want, depending on how you look at it. Not having that fame gives you that layer of privacy that many people can take for granted. Just because you ARE famous, does not mean you have money, it just means people know you.
Or they think they do.
Musicians, for example, make their money based off of how often you stream their music, or buy their merch, or go to their concerts. That is their job, that’s how they pay their bills and make a living. They have to make a living just like everyone else, it may not be a typical 9-5 job, but it is work nonetheless. They are running a business and they are the product.
But what do they do during their off time? Perhaps working on their craft, spending time with family and friends, relaxing, like the rest of us right?
Even in their off time, they still have to promote their work and often times, that involves engaging with fans. Signing autographs, having small talk and hearing how much their fans adore them, watch people make Tik Toks with their music (giving them more exposure) and posting on social media. Often times, they have a persona for their social media that they take off when they’re not posting.
Why do parasocial relationships happen?
I’d like to think the main contributing factor is loneliness. Or the “idol” is everything we wish we were. We live in a time where cell phones are more common, social interactions are becoming less frequent and social media is what everyone is using as communication. There’s not a lot of rules or restrictions when it comes to behavior online. There’s much more access to people, not just celebrities. You can have this person literally in the palm of your hand at all times. It’s a form of escapism. Almost as a form of validation, that they’re loved by the people they look up to the most.
And we were never meant to have this much access to people.
Fans will often fantasize wanting to meet their “idols”. They put the idol in question on a pedestal. They’ll do about anything to enhance this pedestal, imagining their version of their idol. Most end up with high expectations of the idol, which ends up being impossible and unrealistic most of the time. A good example would be for them to stay skinny, not to grow old, stay single forever, never cut their hair or get plastic surgery. If the idol doesn’t meet their expectations, the fan ends up being upset and blame the idol because “how dare they ruin this image I had of them!!!”.
With fans watching their “idols” every move on social media, it can help contribute their feeling of closeness and proximity to this artist. It gives them almost a sense of ownership. It feels real and meaningful, yet they know psychologically that it’s not. It blurs the line between adoration and obsession.
More often than not, this obsession can lead to zooming in on pictures to figure out the exact location the person is, or trying to figure out where they get their outfit from, figure out who they’re with, what time and how they got there, etc. They will spend as much money on tickets and merch as they can, which can lead to a superiority complex amongst fans who don’t have the means to. Even scarier, if anyone dares to talk badly about their idol, they’ll tell the person to kill themselves or even go as far as doxx them. Usually the end goal is to run them off the internet.
This has to be exhausting.
I genuinely believe that social media had normalized this behavior in the name of “being a fan”, it’s an out of touch and terrifying approach. Critical thinking skills have been on a decline because of this. Once an idol even get a CRUMB of fame, popularity or notoriety, the public tends to treat them like public property. As if they are there, specifically for THEM, taking away any type of autonomy. With public property often breeds entitlement. It fails to acknowledge that it’s not normal to act like this towards people. It feels inhumane, controlling, and often times, they don’t think about what this behavior would make that idol feel. Online, there’s no rules or bounds on human behavior, anything goes.
CHAPPEL ROAN
Chappel Roan is an example of someone who HAS spoken out against parasocial relationships.. They shared their experience on fans referring to them as their government name to fans finding their family members to harass them. Once they spoke out about their experiences, many other celebrities (Lady Gaga, Paris Hilton to name a few) reached out for support and agreed with their take. They were open, vulnerable, and honest.
Unfortunately, they got a swarm of hate, with people saying they “asked to be famous, therefore, they shouldn’t be bothered by the attention”, which let’s think about that statement for a minute.
Like I stated earlier and will continue to state til the end of time, fame is not guaranteed in the art world. No one really expects to be famous. We make stupid people famous all the time. Most artists just want to do their craft. You chose to pay for concert tickets, you chose to go to them and enjoy their music, that does not mean that you get to control how they feel or how they chose to address what they feel is harassment to them. Chappel Roan has every right to set boundaries just like everyone else.
SEUNGHAN, RIIZE
Seunghan, a member of the KPOP group “RIIZE”, was kicked out of the group due to the fans discovering that he had a girlfriend (or ex, that part isn’t entirely clear) and smoked before he became an idol.
The South Korean music industry works just a tad bit differently than the Western. Most of their marketing is dependent on catering to these parasocial relationships. In order to do so, they have a certain set of rules for idols to follow (no dating, no drugs, no private life). Essentially, the idols have little to no life outside of their job. Their success is determined by how devoted their fanbase is, which usually comes from feeding into their delusions of the idols. They have only in recent years have branched out internationally, where most of this behavior doesn’t seem to be quite as extreme (and more idols have claimed to like international fans better).
This example gave me more of an insight on just how dangerous being parasocial can get. When Seunghan came back into the group a year after he had left initially, fans in South Korea were very unhappy. Death threats were made and they had even went as far to send funeral wreathes to the agency building. Many “fans” danced in front of these wreaths and fights were broken out over this.
LUIGI MANGIONE
An example of someone who isn’t a celebrity that is currently in the public eye that I feel parasocial relationships are at its peak would be the Luigi Mangione case (Already wrote an article on my theory on the case that here and I will write an updated one as more information has came pouring out since I wrote that article).
People have made numerous speculations on his sex life, family life, and just who he is in general based off his digital footprint. There’s even articles with disgusting headlines, one accusing him of making sex tapes “wanting to be seen” (regardless whether it’s true or not, he is a grown man and his private life is nobody’s business, not to mention it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the case in question). He has essentially been reduced down to his looks. His character has been defamed again and again by major news outlets. Even people who claim to be Luigi’s “friends” have shared private conversations and information shared in confidence with them to the public for them to pick apart, it makes me wonder if they’ve asked Luigi for consent to do such. However, many of his friends and family have stayed relatively quiet during this whole ordeal, despite being the closest to him.
People (on Tik Tok specifically) made thirst traps of him and some genuinely think they have a chance with him, despite the fact that he’s currently being held in prison (doubt he’s even thinking about dating at the moment, sorry to burst your bubble). Some have even gone as far as sending 10+ letters a week, even with his mail from all over the world overflowing the prison he is being held at. People cry over receiving letters back, or on the opposite side of the spectrum, NOT receiving a letter back (and posting it on social media for the world to see). Even childhood pictures of his had spread like wildfire. Some have gotten into the habit of infantilizing him, he’s turning 27 in a few months.
This behavior had even hit Luigi’s mother, whose YouTube account (will not leak to respect her privacy) was found, flooded with inappropriate comments on Luigi’s body and criticizing her for not speaking out in defense of her son. In court, photographers seem to be quite obsessed with him and his looks while simultaneously trying to humiliate him. He has essentially became a victim of unethical journalism and objectification.
The gravity of his situation doesn’t seem to be taken seriously enough. His rights are being violated and he has no voice right now. He is looking at the death penalty as we speak.
Some people love him because they think he did it, some like him for his appearance or what he could possibly offer (don’t even know what that means nor do I think I want to know), or what the actual crime even stood for and made him the current face of it. He did not ask for this. His whole experience in the press and the way the legal system is treating him has been nothing short of dehumanizing. The only reliable information we have from him is through his legal team.
*I am not going to feed into the “crazed fangirl” narrative like the current media outlets are doing because only a small portion of his supporters are acting this way, online at that. The majority of his supporters that have been actively donating to his legal funds (which has surpassed the 700k mark as of writing this article) and protesting the messed up healthcare system in America outweigh this small group by a mile.*
And I’m about to hit some nerves here if I haven’t already.
People are quick to forget that no one owes you anything outside of basic empathy, ESPECIALLY strangers. That is what these people are to us, regardless of how often you see them online, STRANGERS. Just people. They don’t know us personally and we don’t know them. And it’s never okay to violate boundaries EVER. It’s never okay to objectify people, male, female, or non-binary. Everyone deserves privacy and you are not entitled to everyone’s space or time. Everyone is a different person with different values and morals, as long as no one is hurt or actively hurting people, learn to respect those differences. Bullying is NEVER okay. It doesn’t cost a thing to try and be a respectful person.
We are all human at the end of the day.
Humans, as a whole, are complex and flawed beings. Humans make mistakes, fuck up, are contradictory, feel a range of emotions and learn from them. It doesn’t make somebody good or bad, everyone is capable of both. People should be able to live life in their own terms. Celebrites or anyone in the public eye are no exception to this fact. We don’t expect the people around us to be perfect, so why do we hold that standard to anyone in the public eye? It’s not fair on the person you expect to be “perfect”. We are constantly changing and evolving as we continue living, that is what it means to be human. Parasocial relationships can have its pros and cons, but in my opinion, the cons outweigh the pros.
I’m not here to tell anyone what to do, it’s your conscience at the end of the day. But do remember, what goes on the internet, stays on the internet forever.
Treat others the way you want to be treated.
